The Pony Tank Saga

It’s story time!

So, a couple of weeks ago I was visiting home for Thanksgiving/my birthday, and my cousin came over to watch the most recent episode of MLP. As he walked into the room, he brought a gift bag out from behind his back, gave it to me, and said “Sorry, I couldn’t resist”. Inside was this:

Just what I always wanted...

Just what I always wanted…

Yup, that’s right. Brushable Twilight, all-fours Spike, and Pinklestia. I thought it was pretty hilarious, although I’m not generally much of a merch person. As such, the question became how best to use it…

It was at this point that my parents pointed out we were having a white elephant gift exchange in a couple of weeks, and this could be an ideal entry. I was intrigued. How could I best maximize the hilarity value when it was opened? First idea: wrap it in duct tape. Nothing’s more manly than duct tape, right? I wrapped it in a brown paper bag, then completely covered that with duct tape. The result reminded me of the base of a tank, which was perfect — who’s going to suspect ponies inside a duct tape tank? I drew tank treads on the sides, found a CD-spindle cover to use as a turret, and hot-glued the whole thing together to get this:

The completed tank

The completed tank

Fast-forward to the night of the gift exchange. For those who aren’t aware, the rules of it work like this:

  1. Each person participating brings a gift to put under the tree.
  2. Everyone draws a number out of a hat. The numbers range from 1 to the number of people playing.
  3. The person with number 1 selects a gift under the tree, unwraps it, shows it to everyone, and takes temporary custody of it.
  4. Each successive person now has two choices: They can take a new present from under the tree, or they can gain control of one of the already-opened presents, forcing the old owner to go looking for a new present (either opened or unopened). They can’t take the present they just lost directly back, but all other presents are available to them.
  5. Once a person has gained custody of a particular present three times, it’s theirs for keeps.

As it turned out, the person who drew Number 1 was my gamer-savvy friend Ben, who enjoys things like World of Warcraft and Unreal Tournament. I did an internal fist-pump as he went directly for my tank.

Ben takes the bait

Ben takes the bait

Ben contemplates how he's going to get the rather thoroughly-wrapped package open

Ben contemplates how he’s going to get the rather thoroughly-wrapped package open

Leathermens solve everything.

Leathermans solve everything.

First things first.  Time to cut away the turret.

First things first. Time to cut away the turret.

Ben deliberately flipped the package over while examining the turret for hidden goodies.  He was disappointed it was empty.

Ben deliberately flipped the package over while examining the turret for hidden goodies. He was disappointed it was empty.

At this point Ben’s sister leaned over to me and said, “Please tell me there’s pretty ponies inside or something.”  It was all I could do to keep a straight face.

Hilarity breaks loose in the room as Ben reveals the contents of the tank with a cry of "FOR PONY!"

Hilarity breaks loose in the room as Ben reveals the contents of the tank with a cry of “FOR PONY!”

Close-up of the de-turreted tank.  I totally didn't plan this; Pinklestia being highlighted like that was a happy coincidence.

Close-up of the de-turreted tank. I totally didn’t plan this; Pinklestia being highlighted like that was a happy coincidence.

I explain the circumstances which led to the tank as people continue to snicker.

I explain the circumstances which led to the tank as people continue to snicker.

Ben finishes gutting the duct tape shell.

Ben finishes gutting the duct tape shell.

Ben displays his new "prize" to the room.

Ben displays his new “prize” to the room.

Ben pimps his new possession to each person looking for something to take.

Ben pimps his new possession to each person looking for something to take.

Luckily for Ben, number 4 or 5 was Violet, a little girl for whom (it would become clear) a My Little Pony figure set would make her night.

Laughter and a collective "d'aww" went up from the female population of the room as Violet hugged the playset like it was her best friend.

Laughter and a collective “d’aww” went up from the female population of the room as Violet hugged the playset like it was her best friend.

Violet hid the box behind her for the rest of the night and glowered protectively at anyone who looked like they might take it away from her.

Violet hid the box behind her for the rest of the night and glowered protectively at anyone who looked like they might take it away from her.

So yeah, I was pretty pleased with how it all turned out. Not only did I get to troll one of my friends, but I apparently made a little girl very happy. Success all around!

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One Response to The Pony Tank Saga

  1. Ben says:

    When I was given the Leatherman to help open the gift I announced to the room “I brought a knife to a tank fight.”

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